Not too long ago we had an incident within the fair walls of FineLine Graphics & Design. To be honest, it was nothing of import, but it did cause a bit of a stir in the office. Kate Humphrey, one of our Senior Project Managers, had a granola bar taken from her office. It was not the usual granola bar in an airtight wrapper. No, this was a granola square that was homemade with love and care. One wild theory after another was drafted by each of us, but how the granola square disappeared was simply a mystery.
Like everyone else, I tried to shed some light on the situation and in doing so I wrote an email to all detailing the marvelous and terrible story of the granola square’s demise.
It has come to my attention that there is a family of Borrowers living within the walls of our fair building. The family consists of a mother (Marta), father (Paul), son (Jimmy) and daughter (Greta). I do believe they have a pet of some kind and I am inclined to say it is a lime green caterpillar. Due to the caterpillar’s plump size the family decided to name him Lump.
Over the past few years of working at FineLine I have been able to approach and befriend this family of Borrowers. We came up with a very small treaty, which was signed by all with very small signatures. The treaty stated that we, the FineLine residents, will dutifully try not to stamp, squash, or sit on any Borrower located with the FineLine walls. In addition, we would also alert the Borrowers to any appointments set with exterminators so they might adjourn to the trees surrounding the building while the bugs or pests were eradicated. In turn, the Borrowers agreed not to steal any property of ours. They may borrow things from time-to-time, but they would return whatever it was in a timely fashion.
Now to the heart of the matter. On April 9, 2014 at approximately 2:54 pm a delicious granola square was stolen, pilfered, pinched, filched from the corner of Kate’s shelf. She noticed it was missing the next morning, April 10, 2014, as she sat down at her desk, preparing to enjoy her morning coffee and anticipating the enjoyment with which she would savor the sweet taste of the granola square she had saved. Imagine her disdain as she found her coveted breakfast snack had gone missing. She sent out an email lamenting the loss of such a scrumptious cube of granola delight, demanding to know who the vile thief was. To her dismay and bewilderment, all FineLine employees, myself included, vehemently denied the accusation that we had gobbled up the tasty morsel.
To be honest, this stymied me as well. So immediately I took it upon myself to investigate this horrible crime of passion and hunger. I searched the office high and low and then set about searching it low and high. I used a magnifying glass, binoculars, telescope, electron microscope, and then lastly I looked through an empty glass coke bottle at every minute detail. However, my efforts were to no avail. My degree in Gumshoery, that I received in the fourth grade, had not aided me at all.
Just when I was about to give up my search and put this particular case into cold storage, my eye alighted on a series of caterpillar tracks, barely visible, on the wall right outside of Kate’s office. Using a mixture of plaster and water I made liquid plaster, which I poured into each caterpillar track. Once the plaster was dried I removed each mold. Using the molds I recreated a 3D rendering of the caterpillar’s feet.
As I was viewing the 3D rendering, a light went off above my head as Pam turned on the light in my office. Then I had an amazing breakthrough. The Borrowers had a lime green caterpillar named Lump. And he was predisposed to indulging too often in delectable foods. Without hesitation, I banged on the walls until Paul, the father of the Borrower family, emerged. I presented him with my findings and told him about the conclusions I had drawn based on the efforts of my intellect. In the end he confessed, that his lime green caterpillar, Lump, had shamefully eaten the granola square.
There you have it everyone. The culprit is none other than Lump. No charges have been brought up against the plump lime green guy. The embarrassment could be plainly seen on his tiny little face. He looked so sad and pathetic that I decided his thievery should not come to light. Instead, with the aid of Freddie (one of my conspiratorial co-workers), we spun a riveting story about how Dillon, a young golden retriever whose family (Steve & Patty) works here, had bound into Kate’s office and vacuumed up the granola square.
To both our delight, the story was received well by everyone and Lump lived on to become a beautiful butterfly that was later eaten by a bird.
I admit there may be some holes in my theory, but I stand by it. At the very least, I concocted a captivating story that may provide a laugh or a guffaw for the reader.
If there is something to take away, it is that we at FineLine are a group of creative individuals. And our creativity extends far beyond design!